11: Release the Hold of Fixed Beliefs as a Physician Mom

Find the full transcript and more resources for physician moms at inspiredmommds.com/11.

Sometimes I feel like I’m swept up on a runaway train. And yet, it keeps adding passengers!

In this daydream the passengers represent my work and the train represents my mind.

I’m travelling so fast that time is imperceptible. Details get blurry and I don’t see that a fixed belief keeps me on this ride. 

My ingrained belief of what a “true” physician looks like kept me living and breathing a life that didn’t resonate with me anymore. I ignored any evidence to the contrary and just kept going.

It may take a literal derailment in life through illness or change, to pause and take stock of your beliefs. Or, you may have a daily nagging feeling that something needs to change. 

What track are you on and is it heading to where you want to go? 

Maybe it’s time to make a little shift and adjust the tracks. Finding that shift is what today is about. 

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This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for medical advice or care. I’m a board-certified physician, but this content isn’t connected to my clinical practice, and no doctor-patient relationship is formed here. Please always talk to your own health professional about any mental or physical health concerns. And as always, take what helps and leave the rest. Please see InspiredMomMDs.com for full legal disclaimer. 

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I help physician moms take back control and prioritize what matters most so they can thrive in private practice and at home.

Transcript

Sometimes I feel like I’m swept up on a runaway train. And yet, it keeps adding passengers!

In this daydream the passengers represent my work and the train represents my mind.

I’m travelling so fast that time is imperceptible. Details get blurry and I don’t see that a fixed belief keeps me on this ride. 

My ingrained belief of what a “true” physician looks like kept me living and breathing a life that didn’t resonate with me anymore. I ignored any evidence to the contrary and just kept going.

It may take a literal derailment in life through illness or change, to pause and take stock of your beliefs. Or, you may have a daily nagging feeling that something needs to change. 

What track are you on and is it heading to where you want to go? 

Maybe it’s time to make a little shift and adjust the tracks. Finding that shift is what today is about. 

Find the full transcript and more resources for physician moms at inspiredmommds.com/11.

I don’t know about you, but I often think in metaphors. It’s easier to illustrate my problem as a metaphor and maybe others will get it. It really pulls everyone on the same page, right?  (See what I mean?)

I like the idea of a fixed belief being a runaway train. You’re aware you’re on a train of course, but not so aware of what you are missing, well, because you don’t see it. Or maybe you do notice but feel powerless to stop and change the direction of your life. 

How do you correct a fixed belief that is leading you off course? You have the power to change, and you absolutely have the solution within you. 

What is a “Real Physician” Anyway?

Years ago, maybe only 11-12 years ago at the time of this podcast, our family planned to move to a new state. I began a job hunt for a new position as an anesthesiologist. 

At that time, my kids were small and after my 2nd child I reduced my work schedule to 80%. I still took call and worked full days, just a bit less. This was a great balance to handle the stresses of life I was going through at the time. 

One day during the job hunt I distinctly remember a particular phone call from a large anesthesia group. I was playing phone tag with them and finally got a call back while driving. I pulled over to talk.

I still recall the spot exact spot I parked, in front of a stucco building on a bright, sunny day. The message was callous and short from this person who sounded like they had better things to be doing. He told me I would be suited for the “Mommy Track.”

In my silence he pushed ahead.  He felt the Mommy Track would be perfect for me as I would be guaranteed off by 4 PM and wouldn’t take call.  Oh, and it came with a large pay cut.

The alternative was the full-time position, which is what I called about, described as the less desirable option – because I would be away from my family. The only thing he knew about me was that my family was moving, and I had 2 young children.

If I was a man moving his family with two small children, would I also be sold the Mommy Track? I wondered.

I was frustrated at the tone of that entire call and hung up with a thank you. 

Now, I don’t blame my past self for not speaking up, how can I? But I sure as hell know what my present self would say! You may have a few choice ideas also. 

You see, I had a fixed belief that my job as an anesthesiologist had to be all or nothing. I felt that either I went back to a full-time crazy schedule filled with tough cases and call or I downgrade to a mommy track with limited benefits, limited income and, in my mind limited respect. 

I truly believed that to not work my butt off meant I was somehow less of a physician anesthesiologist. I sacrificed so many hours and so much time and money for this job, I believed I had to sacrifice more, my family. 

What are some of your fixed beliefs? Maybe you believe you must prove yourself to others, or that you can’t ask for help, or maybe you need to always put your patients first. Fixed beliefs are a unique product of your gender, culture, upbringing, and the institution of medicine. 

Think of one now.  

Challenge Your Fixed Beliefs in Both Medicine and at Home 

Now that you have your fixed belief in mind, consider the following steps:

·       First, your inner voice, I’ll call her “She,” is powerful. 

That call was one of many turning points in my career, and personal life too. I faced my own limiting belief square in the eyes. My inner voice said it wasn’t all or nothing. 

Ask yourself, is this belief causing you anxiety or just doesn’t sit right with you? Listen to your instinct, your gut feeling. The consideration that change is even possible opens new opportunities.

·       Second, reflect and challenge the fixed belief. 

Who is telling you this is a fact? Is what you believe the truth or is it distorted? Look around for evidence for and against this belief. 

I found other anesthesiologists that didn’t work full time in a hospital. And guess what? I thought they were amazing! In fact, I admired how they tailored their work life around what was important to them. 

This in no way implies working full time in a hospital is wrong either, bless all of you who found your calling there. The evidence of other successful physicians reinforced my gut feeling that my fixed belief was not true. 

·       Third, develop a shifted or new belief.  

You may need to step outside your comfort zone, I sure did. I shifted to a practice that had weekly pediatric days, which previously I avoided, but then I embraced it. It was a little nerve wracking at first, but I had a solid foundation and training, I just needed to apply it. 

I left the hospital setting and over the next decade created my own schedule and outpatient practice. It was liberating. 

Think about what is important to achieve and how to get there, despite ingrained beliefs. Now, consider what needs to change to get there. Sometimes talking with someone can help you see a different perspective. And it may be eye-opening! 

I hope you find your “aha” moment of a fixed belief you hold. 

Remember, fixed beliefs don't have to define you. Changing them can be challenging and take time and effort. Break it down and take small steps toward a new goal. This will help you manage a change. 

Open yourself up to new possibilities and think outside your box. Listen to your inner voice, She already knows what is possible. 

Make a small shift, the rewards will compound themselves as you conduct your train in a healthier direction.  

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!